MORAL DEGRADATION

When my ex-boyfriend were deepening our friendship my dad gave me a book that was called CONSERVING PURITY. The book had, basically, two ideas:

DEGRADATION: John desires Linda, Linda desires John. They break their holiness and fornicate. Linda feels degraded. She stops going to her church's youth group meetings. Everyone fucks her. She ends up as a prostitute somewhere (and John is her pimp).

IT IS BETTER TO ENTER HEAVEN MAIMED THAN HELL WITH BOTH HANDS: I don't know. If you're in a hotel room and you love watching porn and your hotel room has a television IT'S BETTER ASK FOR THE TELEVISION TO BE REMOVED (turning it off isn't enough).

My ex-boyfriend and I would read this lying down in the grass, frolicking in the grass, happy in the grass. That grass around the Providencia literary café. We read and I wanted to be degraded by him (or had I already been degraded?). We read and then we closed the book and he degraded me as much as you can degrade someone in a park.

The next day I realized that I didn't have my student bus pass. And fuck, I had dropped the thing in the grass in the process of that of semi-degradation. And I went back to that grass but it wasn't there. And although I should have thought: why did I open the door for the ENEMY by mocking the Lord and that book?, I thought something quite different: why did I put that pass in my jacket pocket? I was tormenting myself with this for a long time (as well as sucking every bus driver's dick).

God allows for the most unlikely degradations.