THE POWER OF PRAYER (II)

In I-can't-remember which gospel it says that one shouldn't go to great pains for the things of this world, that one should first worry about God's things and that everything else will come along with it. 

Jeezuschrist says: why, if birds and flowers don't worry about a thing and have everything, shouldn't men (oh, so dear to God) have what they need as well. But we shouldn't take it that far, I think. It's not like God is just going to hand everyfuckingthing over. 

I remember how a cousin and I used to complain about our tiny boobs. We were at my old house, but not the one in Ñuñoa. We were about 16. T. had eaten cream like a pig and I had shut my mouth up to stay skinny and cousin had had tons of pizza and then we talked about tits and shit. T. was a lot younger than me and cousin but her tits were a thousand times bigger. We hated her. And she, using the gozpel, told us: girls, if you stop talking about boobs...God will make them grow...like me...I don't worry and they're big.

That's what she said.

But God knows what things to give to those who love him and it was good that he didn't give me tits. Because just imagine how huge my fornication would be if I had big breasts!

THE RAPTURE

The rapture is obscenely interesting. That's why it deserves more than just one picture. More than two, more than three. It deserves an entire blog but I'm too lazy to do it. Instead, a section devoted to the Rapture, or the Taking, or whatever you want to call it. Jesus said “I'll come soon”, that was a couple of years ago, and the apostles thought that they would see the second coming. Starting with the apostles, EVERYONE thinks they're going to see it. I thought so too. And I wanted Jeezus to return, so he could take them all with him and I could fornicate in peace. But sometimes I'd be scared shitless. Like when I read the saga “Left Behind” and then I'd dream that I was at my evangelical school and that I was left behind from the Rapture, and there were torrents of fire and these scorpion-type bugs that would chase after me, screaming, “Abaddon, abbadon”. Or when my sister came home one day and no one was there. Back then, my little brother didn't exist and I was like five years old, which meant that I was automatically included in the Rapture. My sister thought...shit the Rapture and I'm still here...then she called cousin's parents who are also evangelical...and they didn't pick up. And she called some other people from the church...and they didn't pick up. That's when she really started getting scared.

Then, sensibly, she turned on the TV, to see in Bernardo de la Maza and his Tulio Triviño face had anything to say about it. But it didn't say anything.
Then she figured out that nothing was going on. These days, she's on vacations in France, having a sweet time.

XII

Hey God. I remember that I could never be evangelical like everyone else. When I was ten, I was POSITIVE that I was going to hell for wearing baggy hip-hop pants and for not having a heart that was to your liking. Time went by, and I became a fornicator and a liar, dishonoring my father and my mother (and my punishment: I wouldn't have a long life upon Earth, I wouldn't have a good life). But at age 16 I became closer to you like everyone else became closer to you. I did Daniel's fast (beans and vegetables) and I really did it seriously, because I felt close to you and I was proto-anorexic. I remember that we would go to the hill to pray, and Ms. P would tell me that my heart was getting prettier, as pretty as my sister's, and I felt then that we were doing your will, being in your holiness. During that time I was sad and skinny like I never was again in my whole fucking life, I cried all day and felt like the ugliest girl in Shile (subconsciously, unfuckable, GOD will you explain that contradiction to me...how so mystical and carnal?), I would wake up at dawn and start crying and I wasn't afraid of death, I would ask you to take me to heaven with you; I KNEW that you would. Then the fast ended and everything went to shit. I was close to you for only 21 days. I remember that when I finished fasting, the first thing I did was to eat chocolate eggs and feel like shit because SOMETHING had broken with you. But when everything truly ended was when I called my ex-ex-ex-boyfriend, whom my parents didn't allow me to call because we could possibly arrange a fornication date. But I called him, and I knew that I wasn't honoring my father or my mother and that I was growing apart from you. I called him and I didn't arrange for any dates because by then I didn't even like the guy. I called him just to fuck around with you, I guess. I called him because maybe it was in Satan's plan that I call him and stray away from your Kingdom. And I did stray away. And my sister also strayed away. And our hearts were not pretty, neither did they want to be. I tried to revive you for the last time during senior year (when I wasn't going to evangelical school anymore) but it didn't work. It's that I just didn't have the strength or the conviction anymore.

BIBLICAL CLEVERNESS

I told V a story and she told me that it was like when my brother wasn't allow to play violent games. But my brother has always known how to dodge repression. Parents would rent movies for him that told bible stories in cartoons. Brother would always rescue the best lesson: he would watch the story of Paul (St. Paul, like our catholic friends call him) and would turn into Saul of Tarsus (NEVER PAUL), stoning and persecuting christians. V (bigsister) would play the stoned christian and brother was always Saul, BUT IT WAS ALL RIGHT: IT WAS A BIBLE STORY. Then he watched the prince of egypt. Of course he didn't want to be Moses, instead, he always wanted to be the pharaoh and subjugate the people of Israel. NATURALLY, V PLAYED THE JEWISH PEOPLE. Then brother's violent stories became more secular and he began to apply them to the lion king, where, following the previously exposed logic, he decided to be SCAR AND SING THAT BEAUTIFUL SONG THAT SAID IT'S CLEAR FROM YOUR VACANT EXPRESSIONS, THE LIGHTS ARE NOT ALL ON UPSTAIRS. V, in that case, personified the hyenas or Mufasa when he died.

BIBLICAL HANGOVER

I went to bed really fucking late but they made me go to church anyway. I sat in the last seat in the back of the church like a sinner who knows that she's a sinner. I was a little drunk and a little hung over. The pastor was silent for a few minutes before beginning his sermon. I got paranoid. I thought that his silence was because he was gathering strength to say that there was a very demoniacal blog that was mine, the blog of a demon, and even worse, of his brother's daughter. I thought that they would make me go up in front of everyone and that I would run out of there and take the subway to the Puente Alto plaza. Then I thought that it was better to get to Central Station and take a bus to some place that wasn't the south. The pastor broke his silence and said that the world was getting worse every day, that there had been a gai pride march in I-don't-know-what country, one of those liberal ones that have marches filled with pride, and that Elton Jon had played a concert in I-don't-know-where and it was all so gai. The devil knows how to make a gai march and elton gai coincide. I fell asleep and heard words like blood, sin, evil, perverse generation, perverse generation, perverse generation.

MORAL DEGRADATION

When my ex-boyfriend were deepening our friendship my dad gave me a book that was called CONSERVING PURITY. The book had, basically, two ideas:

DEGRADATION: John desires Linda, Linda desires John. They break their holiness and fornicate. Linda feels degraded. She stops going to her church's youth group meetings. Everyone fucks her. She ends up as a prostitute somewhere (and John is her pimp).

IT IS BETTER TO ENTER HEAVEN MAIMED THAN HELL WITH BOTH HANDS: I don't know. If you're in a hotel room and you love watching porn and your hotel room has a television IT'S BETTER ASK FOR THE TELEVISION TO BE REMOVED (turning it off isn't enough).

My ex-boyfriend and I would read this lying down in the grass, frolicking in the grass, happy in the grass. That grass around the Providencia literary café. We read and I wanted to be degraded by him (or had I already been degraded?). We read and then we closed the book and he degraded me as much as you can degrade someone in a park.

The next day I realized that I didn't have my student bus pass. And fuck, I had dropped the thing in the grass in the process of that of semi-degradation. And I went back to that grass but it wasn't there. And although I should have thought: why did I open the door for the ENEMY by mocking the Lord and that book?, I thought something quite different: why did I put that pass in my jacket pocket? I was tormenting myself with this for a long time (as well as sucking every bus driver's dick).

God allows for the most unlikely degradations.

UNEQUAL YOKE

I have a cousin who is an inconsequent evangelical christian. My cousin has a boyfriend who is an inconsequent evangelical christian. And today, I want to talk about the unequal yoke. In order to explain this, I shall expose a series of very mathematical equations:

evangelical + catholic = unequal yoke

evangelical + muslim = a yoke so unequal that it becomes blasphemous

evangelical + atheist = unequal yoke but not as dramatic as the catholic one

evangelical + jehova's witness = IMPOSSIBLE YOKE

evangelical + evangelical = eeeeequal yoke.

lukewarm evangelical + lukewarm evangelical = equal yoke, fuck, this is the most equal yoke within yoke equality, and COUSIN IS IN THIS ONE. The other day I met cousin's boyfriend for like the tenth time in my life and he introduced himself as the inconsequent evangelical christian. He listens to music that the Lord would not like, I know this. He wears fitted pants like fashionable people do. He uses swear words. He drinks beer. He dates and not to get married.

Cousin, meanwhile, uses swear words, doesn't even date (SHE JUST EATS), listens to music that the Lord would not like, drinks every weekend, smokes weed and her eyes get tiny and slanted, and DOESN'T BELIEVE IN HELL.

SHE ALSO MAKES FUN OF THE RAPTURE.

Anyway. A lukewarm christian with another lukewarm christian make a beautiful lukewarm equality. God will vomit BOTH of them out through his mouth but who cares, they're in an equal YOKE.